Wednesday 25 February 2015

Member's Stories: Episode 3 - Kelly

My name is kelly I never ran before but thought I'll share my experience with you.

I joined the beginners group down colwick in week one. There was loads of people too many in fact I felt abit intimated. I haven't got the highest confidence and I was worried I'll be judged. Im not the slimmest of people ( I thought I was too fat to run) I had left my job as a care trainer and decided to take a month out before I started my new one. Working crazy hours and shift patterns didn't do anything for my eating habits. So I wanted to get fitter.

My cousin suggested the beginners group she had seen it on Facebook. I was self conscious but with the support of my cousin and auntie I thought I'll be ok. I remember arriving with butterflies in my stomach thinking I could back out now but something inside said to carry on.  We met Sarah and Zoe. Zoe had her camera and I was thinking I hope she doesn't get me. Sarah explained alittle about what we would be doing... It seemed a blur I was to anxious to really take it in. All I really remember was its going to be for a minute. In my head I was thinking o no. I specifically asked my cousin and auntie not to wait back for me I was so worried about holding others up it made me doubt myself more. I remember Sarah shouting to start running and honestly I managed 30 seconds I literally thought I was going to die. I ran bend over no oxygen getting into my lungs. Clare one of the leaders reminded me to stand up tall. Colwick park seemed so long. Deep down if I'm honest I was frightened of letting myself down. You see I lost my mum nearly eight years ago and the day she left I sworn I would never try something new in case I let her down. I was scared of failure. I remember finishing the session and thinking I can't go back. I was out of breath and had a face as red as a phone box. Something made me carry on

Week 3 I remember thinking 3 minutes running God that was going to push me to having a breakdown I never thought I would managed that. I remember starting off and doing the 5 minutes warm up walk. I was desperate for the toilet.. I try to distract myself but didn't work. Zoe was walking close beside when I said I must use the toilet. While in the ladies I was thinking I could sneak back to my car because I was so adamant I was going to fail at the run I didn't want to be disappointed myself nor did I want to let anyone else down. I came out the toilet to see that Zoe had waited for me... I was hoping that everyone would of gone and I'll try and catch them up so if I couldn't do it no one would see. She started the run... This was the first time I ran with her ... She's a tough cookie but something inside of me listen to what she was saying. My breathing she talked me through it.. My posture... We managed it it seemed the longest 3 minutes of my life. She was so encouraging but I still had a doubting voice in my head. 

Every week I came back with the same attitude I won't be able to do it, how can I run for that long... I look at runners in the streets and think I'll never run like them. Who are you kidding Kel. Your wasting your time. Your set for another fall... Failure!!!
I was so worried that I'm at the back so  holding people up.. I thought they would be annoyed. But the opposite I have never met a group of ladies who are amazing as notts women runners. They encourage as they go pass. 
My speed isn't the fast at the first the beginning session it was pretty slow but my pace is increasing. I have a voice in my ears that echoes when I'm running (Zoe's voice I call it) saying you will be disappointed if you stop and it's so true. It's a fight between your body and mind. Once you believe it becomes alittle easier. 

So weeks  4, 5, 6 have been and gone and I've managed to complete them though I still had my self doubt. I thought It was a one off. I didn't want to believe I've had just done it. It can't be right. I would send emails to Sarah and Zoe questioning if I could do it. 

Tonight week 7 is our tesco's run I was so worried about joining on this one cause it's a social rather than an organised group. I was scared I'll be too slow, people would be annoyed waiting for me but it wasn't like that at all. The group is so empowering. Tonight for the first time I believed I'm a runner. I smashed 30 minutes running... I could of cried. I haven't felt that good for so long. When my legs got tired I focused on Zoe's voice echoing in my ears saying you can.

This has been an amazing journey for me... Very daunting. But I've gained my confidence back which I lost so long ago. I've lost 15.5lbs seen week one. I'm fitter and healthy. I believe I can run I proved that today. I love this Kel now she's ready to take on the world. All it takes is someone or somebodies to make you see the world like they do. Open up your heart to believe that you can do it. Believing in yourself. Never give up. It you want something so much you work for it.  Zoe, Sarah and the rest of your team have given  me a new way of life and I love it.
It doesn't matter if your the fastest or the slowest. I've worked to so hard to encourage my body to keep going. I'm proud to call myself a runner. Watch this space xx

Sent from my iPhone

1 comment:

  1. Just wanted to say this is amazing!!! I've just completed week 4 and feel exactly the same way. I came home crying because I couldn't make a 5 minute run up a hill and feeling so disappointed with myself and I can't help but think how am I ever going to manage anymore. I hope I find the strength like you have...your amazing and well done xx

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